Dry Talk + Comprehension

Ok, so i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today...

No, no wait, that's not how it started.

How it started was, it was like 3.45am and i was already up, eating bread and fried eggs - fried with red oil cos i forgot i ran out of the processed variety days ago.  Tasted like shit, i might add. But yeah, eating bread n eggs, and watching a bootleg dvd of Kung-fu Panda 2. Fully awesome, huh? Well, i just wasn't feeling it. I was having the fuzzy-woozies. So i went to the bathroom and smoked a cigarette. And another. And felt worse. Really really woozy now, the bad kind - like you get when you're recovering from a bad bout of malaria. No, wait... i think the cigarettes came first; cigarette - fuzzy-woozy - shitty eggs. Whatever. Either way, by the time i was through, i was feeling like poop-smear on the wall.

Then factor in the freakin' cold...

I guess what i'm trying to say is, why the blazes isn't today saturday?

Ahh well, that's all just dry talk. I had actually wanted to do today was a post on the principle of  Comprehension and how it also applies to relationships. You know, something in the line of "if you really comprehend what someone thinks of you, then you wouldn't be surprised by how they act or react to you..."

Or something like that.


I don't know, it all sounds kinda shallow now, but it really had a lot of flesh on it when i was thinking about it yesterday. Prolly has something to do with the shitty day.

My boss and i had a major fallout this week, and he basically rolled out every war-arm in his arsenal - yells, taunts, warnings, a big-ass query, and a sack threat - and i just sat there and took it, like the freakin man of steel. Little shitty man with little shitty power, too bad he isn't the one that employed me. I wish he'd just understand that i'm not forming die-hard or anything; i just dont fcuking care anymore.

Thank God its friday.

Mid-Month Randoms

Its 1:25pm; i'm in the office and my boss just gave me a lecture on appreciating God in my life. I think he's full of shit. A week ago he gave our assistant unit manager a two-weeks suspension without pay because the man didn't pick his phone quickly enough - it was during the weekend, too. Of course everybody knows he just doesn't like the man, he's been beefing the man for like weeks now; the phone thing was just an excuse to swing around his weight. Blasted hypocrite, onye-oma Emeka.

I had a fight - and i mean a fight, like fisticuffs - with one of my friends last friday. Then we met up again at a bar and drank over it. But i'm still pissed off whenever i remember it. What happened was we were all sitting together in the office - me, him, and two other guys (lets call'em N, M, and O) - we are all real friends, plus we all work at the same place. Ok, so it was after work hours, and we are relaxing, waiting for N and O's babes to show up. Then its time to go, and N says he's looking for his dvd, says he believes i have it, and demands to search my laptop bag. I refuse. He insists and drags my bag; bag goes southways. He scatters my stuff and walks away. I'm stunned; i walk back to him and asks him wtf was that. He says its what it is, and wtf am i gonna do about it? I'm staring, like stupid stunned - and i didn't even have the frigging dvd. Then he delivers the bombshell: kay, u can't do shit about it. Says it repeatedly to my face.

Jesus wept.

Anyway, long story short, i go outside and wait for him. He comes out, and i give him a resounding right hook he's gonna remember for a long time. Oh, i forgot to mention, he's like two heads taller than i am, and almost twice as big. But you know the thing about righteous fury; it makes you invincible. It didn't last long tho, we got separated pretty quick. M was really angry with us both, said we were embarrassing him fighting like little secondary school boys. O says we are delaying his beer, and God help us if his babe gets tired of waiting and goes back home. N came over later at the bar, acting all nice, offering to light my cigarette each time i pulled one out. So everybody drank himself into a stupor and forgot everything.

But mehn, i still get angry remembering it; how can u eff-up so bad on somebody and still have the nerve to tell him something like that - YOU CAN'T DO SHIT ABOUT IT.

My coy is owing salaries again, and by God i need dough right now more than CBN.

I didn't go to the rig afterall; someone else was sent. Tough shit.

Scope 101

Ring-ring! Ring-ring!
Picks phone. "Hello?
“Hello, please call me back. Please, please, pleeeez!” Click!
Deep sigh. Girls! Punching numbers… Ring-!

“Hi! How’re you doing?”

“I’m ok, you?”

“I’m good, good, just… I was a little…”

“A little what? Ill?

“Yeah, I had a bit of fever. I was very down.”

“Ee-yah. I’m so sorry, I didn’t know…”

“Well, that’s cos you never call – you never call me unless I call you first.”

“But – but -”

“You boys are like that – you are all like that. (Whining now) You never call me, never…”

“But – but -”

“But what?”

“But I called you just yesterday!”

“Yes, you did – because I flashed you first!”

Chuckling. “Baby… baby, why are you on my case like this? Relax! Don’t you know that you are my one and only?”

“Mmmh? Really?”

“Of course! The mere thought of you makes my heart skip.”

Giggling girlishly. “It’s a lie. You are just saying all that to make me feel good…”

“No, I’m not – you know I’m not.”

Sigh. “Honey…”

Smiling. “Yes…”

“Umm, I need – I need a small favor from you.”

“Favor…”

“Yes dear. Please, it’s just a small something…”

“Something…”

“Umm yeah. I just – I just need a little money for my weekend shopping, something like fifteen thousand naira…”

“What??”

“Honey, I said I need fifteen thousand naira, you know, just for weekend stuff and…”

“Fifteen k? For shopping?”

“Yes now… Honey it’s not much, I know you can handle it.”

“Mmmh. Fifteen thousand. Fifteeeeeeeen thousand…”

“Yes. Please don’t say no…”

“Alright.”

“Oh thanks, dear! That’s why you are my honey-pie!”

“Umm, I’ll make a couple of calls, see how it goes. You’ll be free tomorrow, right?”

“Babe, I don’t know…”

“C’mon, give a home-boy some quality time, eh…” (makes silly funny noices)

Giggling again. “Oooo-kay, but honey, don’t disappoint me o. You still have my account number abi?”

“Of course. Hey, you can relax, you know I don’t eff-up. I’ll call you, ‘k?”

“Alright. Kiss-kiss!”

“Bye.”

***
Click!

Turns to roomie and grins triumphantly.

“You get am? ‘Im gree?” asks roomie.

“Yes now! You no trust me? I scope am full time! (laughs heartily)

“Correct babe, abeg collect five jare!”

“Cool fifteen k for account tomorrow, heeheehee! Mmmh, oya abeg find another mugu numba make we flash am…”

***
Click!

Turn to pal and grins from ear to ear. “O’boy see dis mumu girl, for her mind she don knack jack-pot!”
“Na dat Ekaete babe? Na she dey ask for fifteen k?”

“Yes o! (laughs)

“Shebi na you get CBN now!”

“No be only CBN, even World Bank! Make she show tomorrow make I collect kpetus first; that fifteen k don enter serious voice mail…”

Now, who's really "scoping" who?

A Pic Post

Pic1:

Here's the best of customer Service - Ojo-Elegba style. Now, if only banks and mobile phone service providers would borrow a leaf from that guy!


Pic2:

This one is actually a sales pitch.
TOYOTA HILLUX FOR SALE: In a slightly (unfairly) used condition; 6-Cow Power Engine ; Can sit more than 5; ZERO fuel requirements; Absolutely NO Speed Limit; Absolutely NO Extra/Recurrent Costs (just arrange enof chowder for the cows). For enquiries, just fly down to Kano (Nigeria), and find your way to the outskirts of the city - you'll see a good dealer if you stand long enough at a road-side.

Pic3:

Lol... i'm laffing so hard i can't even type straight.
However... however, one thing i can say about this dude: He's got his Swagga Mode fully active - totally gyansta, homie! LWKMD! A friend in the office described him as "Aboki with an attitude" - attitude no be small one o.

Pic4:

Yep, it's the Green Monster-Hero alright.
Now, ladies, this one is for you:
What would you do if your man suddenly changed into this guy - colour, size, muscles and all? ( ...and don't forget his Little John!)

Pic5:

Just to brighten your dreary Wednesday; WHY SO SERIOUS??


(Mehn, where's my TDK bootleg dvd...)

Musings and Poor Chile

Last day of the month...

I'm yet to receive my salary; tough shit i guess.

I keep telling people that drinking beer straight from the bottle is like kissing a girl, but most don't believe me. Buy a beer today and hic! check for yourself.

I think President Yar'Adua is dead; Turai and Segun Adeniyi are just lying summabeeches... well, technically, Turai is just a lying beech. 

Suru, 2cute4u, MyneWhitman, and Muyiwa have put up a blog to help disaster-affected Nigerians, "We Are Jos". Go check. I'm 101% behind it.

Chile's just suffered a 8.8 magnitude earthquake - stronger than what hit Haiti weeks ago. About 300 expected dead, probably more. And i thought i had problems... (2cute, any chance we can do anything about this one?)

Still think 2012 is a joke?

I wonder.