Dry Talk + Comprehension

Ok, so i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today...

No, no wait, that's not how it started.

How it started was, it was like 3.45am and i was already up, eating bread and fried eggs - fried with red oil cos i forgot i ran out of the processed variety days ago.  Tasted like shit, i might add. But yeah, eating bread n eggs, and watching a bootleg dvd of Kung-fu Panda 2. Fully awesome, huh? Well, i just wasn't feeling it. I was having the fuzzy-woozies. So i went to the bathroom and smoked a cigarette. And another. And felt worse. Really really woozy now, the bad kind - like you get when you're recovering from a bad bout of malaria. No, wait... i think the cigarettes came first; cigarette - fuzzy-woozy - shitty eggs. Whatever. Either way, by the time i was through, i was feeling like poop-smear on the wall.

Then factor in the freakin' cold...

I guess what i'm trying to say is, why the blazes isn't today saturday?

Ahh well, that's all just dry talk. I had actually wanted to do today was a post on the principle of  Comprehension and how it also applies to relationships. You know, something in the line of "if you really comprehend what someone thinks of you, then you wouldn't be surprised by how they act or react to you..."

Or something like that.


I don't know, it all sounds kinda shallow now, but it really had a lot of flesh on it when i was thinking about it yesterday. Prolly has something to do with the shitty day.

My boss and i had a major fallout this week, and he basically rolled out every war-arm in his arsenal - yells, taunts, warnings, a big-ass query, and a sack threat - and i just sat there and took it, like the freakin man of steel. Little shitty man with little shitty power, too bad he isn't the one that employed me. I wish he'd just understand that i'm not forming die-hard or anything; i just dont fcuking care anymore.

Thank God its friday.

In-between the ROVs

I'm a little at loss how to begin this post, learning the ropes all over again maybe. I actually had to force myself to post this. Been postponing for days now. So here i am, halfway through the report on ROVs i was supposed to have submitted yesterday, and i'm like, wtf, i'm gonna blog right now.

Anybody remember that Schwarzeneger movie where a kid goes to a cinema and somehow gets sucked into the action movie he was watching? Remember how the kid kept saying gleefully, "I'm in a movie! I'm in a movie!!"? Well, that's kinda like how i felt yesterday. Lol... here, go see. Thing is, umm, hey Freaksho, can i get more lines? I mean, all i did was shake my head a couple of times and thump at some computer; mehn, even the frigging gorilla in KingKong had more lines than that, lol... And while we're at it, how about throwing some activity my way? I gotta tell u, i have this bad-ass Jet Li move i've been trying out, u know... :D

Ok, gotta run back to the ROVs. My coy just merged with (more like was bought over, actually) with these bigger dudes, and there's talk of some guys going on training. Mmm, hope it gets to me.

Adios.

Writer's Block

I used to love writing.

I don't know what happened to me to change that. "Life", perhaps. But i used to love
writing. Seeing the blue ink flowing from the tip of my pen, gracing the smooth white paper and forever changing its destiny and purpose in life (oh yeah, i believe papers have purposes in life, too). Aah, the sweet, sweet rush of adrenaline as a fantastic idea takes hold of my head and i can't wait to pour it all unto a sheet of foolscap commandeered from my kid brother's schoolbag...

Well, like i said, i don't know what happened. All i know is suddenly i can't seem to string together two sentences without hitting a brain-jam. It usually goes like this: I lay out a fresh A4 paper, put the tip of my ball-pen between my teeth, and my eyes zone out to neatherealm. Two hours later i'm still in the same position, the A4 spotless and unblemished - like a freaking virgin. Shit.

By the way, isn't that what they call a writer's block? Ah well, whatever.

Or, maybe it has something to do with my 8-5. These days i feel soooo unproductive. If someone were to give me a score-card right now and asked me to score myself on net personal productivity, i'd give myself a big fat zero. Yeah, its that bad. And nothing kills the mind faster than idleness.

So...here i am, writing my sad little story, and wondering where the f**k i got it wrong.

Round One: FIGHT!!!

This fully AWESOME!!!

THE WAY I ARE

To all the NIGERIAN girlfriends i’ve dated in my life, and to the ones I’m still gonna date in future:

1. My pay-check bears only my name; stop asking me how much it has on it.

2. Either call me or don’t; “flashing” is no longer acceptable. It is silly, childish, clogs up the network, and seriously reduces my battery life.

2(b). A relationship is a two-way thing; it saddens me that I do all the calling (and texting and "facebooking", too).

2(c). When I call you today, don’t ask me why I didn’t call yesterday; honestly, I can’t even begin to explain how annoying that is.

3. Until you start paying the cab guy, picking up our dinner tab, paying for our movie tickets, recharging my phone every week, adding me to your monthly budget  – in fact, until you start doing (at least) half of what I’m doing for you, don’t even talk to me about equality. I don't like to discuss it, but honestly, money talks louder where i come from.

4. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, shebi? So how come you can have texts on phone that begin “Hello swt hrt…”, and I can’t?

5. I can actually cook for myself. I just thought I should remind you.

6. I’m sure Sigmund Freud said somewhere that women enjoy sex as much as men do, so pray tell, is it just me or is something really wrong with you?

7. For chrissakes, watch some foreign movies – I’m tired of hearing about Osuofia and Aki and Paw-paw!

8. I will never raise my hand against you, I swear it – but you’d better never raise yours neither. Babe, this is Nigeria; around here it’s only in home movies that women slap men and get away with it.

9. And lastly, I’m your boyfriend, not your father – and we ain’t married yet, neither. So you should understand when I wish you’d stop asking me for money to make your hair (or a million other things you keep cooking up). I actually know when to do treats for you, so please stop asking me for them yourself! It spoils the whole romantic kiniko. Msshewwww!

Now, if all these make me a bad boyfriend, or  a “scrub”, or “unromantic”, or whatever name it is dubbed these days, then sorry – that’s just the way I are.

Love like the morning dew...

 '
This song is speaking to my heart... love is such a beautiful thing.

(**sobs n sniffles!)

Shola, yours is the best definition of that word!




Updated: Shola Allyson - Eji Owuro (English and French subtitled)

Half-A-Century Later...

"Nigeria is 50 years old."

It's 12:08pm, October 1st, Nigeria's Independence Day. I'm sitting at my laptop, typing out this blogpost and ignoring my t.v. In contrast to me is Enyimba; his eyes are glued to the darned silver screen, watching the independence anniversary celebrations. Oh yes, the one they spent 9.5 billion naira on... But i don't wanna talk about all that now - I don't wanna start comparing countries, or pointing fingers at bribe-fattened politicians, or ranting about corrupt trigger-happy policemen... No, all i want is to write something nice and optimistic about my country. But i keep getting this image of Mazi GEJ shaking his oblong head, smiling inwardly at the same time, and gingerly signing off N9.5bn that could've been better utilized somewhere else.

Oh, fuck it.

Enyimba's muttering something about the commentary being in french, "Nigeria's an anglophone country....!" I wish he'd stop; he's just increasing the room temperature and i don't have a frigging a.c.

So Naija is fifty. Great, now we've gone from "Fools at 40" to "Juvenile Delinquents at 50"; quaint and illogical, i know, but what better term suits us?

Enyimba is now peeping over my shoulder, and demanding to know whaddaheck his name is doing on my post; silly idiot, he doesn't know what honor i'm doing him, lol....


Happy Independence to Naija! We've already wasted half-a-century; let's hope and pray we don't totally blow the remaining half.