On This Relationship Thing

I’ve never liked telling people how to live their lives, always seemed too nosey and “bizzy-body” to me. Even more, I’ve always tried not to talk/discuss about relationships on this blog. You know, the whole boy-girl thing – what the boy/girl should and shouldn’t do, what works and what doesn’t, all that ish. My reason? One: it’s too messy, and it’s just a matter of time before someone’s feelings are hurt, and then the insults start to fly. Messy.

Two: Simple, I’m no expert. And I absolutely hate giving advice on something I ain’t grounded in. So to excuse myself, I always add something like “in my opinion…”, or “if you ask me…”, or “the way I see it…”

Still, I never do that unless I’m asked first.

BUT today – today, I’m going to break my rule. I’m going to talk about relationship. Nothing in-depth, mind you, just a little something on this question: is it ok for a girl to tell a guy that she likes him? Actually, it was something on naijashawty’s blog that prompted this. Y’all might wanna go and read first, then come back.

Ok, the question: IS IT OK FOR A GIRL TO TELL A GUY THAT SHE LIKES HIM?

And my answer: An unequivocal, undiluted and indisputable YES! By all means, babe, tell him!!

I know girls are very sensitive – to criticism, to insults, to even silence. I also know that any normal babe will want her man to take the first step (if possible, even the second, third, fourth, tenth, etc… lol). Now, besides these, the society also plays a part; out-spoken girls are somewhat seen as “easy”, uncultured, “domineering”, or even fly (that’s a nice way of saying she’s a whore). Have I listed all the arguments? I dunno, but we’ll work with these ones for now. Ok, so in the face of all this then, imagine a girl coming out boldly (no less!) to tell you she loves your style; is it “ok”?

Yup, by all means.

Dear me, dear me! I can imagine Ada-bekee and Fabulola shaking their collective heads and hissing "over their dead bodies", lol! Babes, it is ok! Listen to me, guys are not animals. We also have feelings, we understand fears – being the ones who’d usually brave the likely rejection and embarrassment, you can rest assured we actually KNOW how it feels. 

The way I see it, the two biggest fears (I stand to be corrected, of course) of a girl who wants to speak her mind to a guy are: (1) Rejection, and (2) Being seen as “too easy”. Now, hear this: it is my personal opinion (and conviction, too) that the fear of being rejected comes up because babes are so used to being on the giving-out end, the longer end of the stick, the higher pedestal. Remember that last guy you told to please act like an adult and stop embarrassing himself? Or that other idiot who stopped disturbing you after you texted him “Please, I beg you, PISS OFF!!”?(**smh, lwkmd… umu nwanyi!!) And now you are wondering what will happen if you asked this really handsome Adonis what he’s doing Friday night – what if he replies with something like what you told that poor mumu who’d been stalking you for 2months now? God, you’d just die!! Loool…. Teeehehehe! Not so funny now, right? Wrong again! IT IS FUNNY

Okay, okay, I just had to get that one out. Sincerely though, there’s no way out of this one; all you can do is try and not hit on someone who’s too vain. Only a really, really vain and proud ass-wipe would snub a babe, and thankfully there aren’t many of them. As for being too easy, we all know society isn’t what it used to be. We all watch American films where girls ask guys out – who remembers Run-away Bride? In the end she had to propose to the guy, abi? Silly and stupid film IMO, but my point is society has moved away from when girls speaking first was a taboo.

Ok the Naija factor next, shebi? Guys in naija ain’t like guys outside, right? Bullshit. Babe, use your woman-sense, pick your guy right; ever wonder why a guy would talk to a girl, but not to her friend? Cos his instincts tell him talking to her would be a bad idea. Of course he might be wrong; it may well turn out the one he’s talking to is the one who’s gonna sleep with his best friend later, but it’s a risk he accepted and decided to take. In the same way, choose your guy, but bear in mind it might be a wrong choice – that’s why it’s a RELATIONSHIP. If the guy goes on later to brag to his friends that you were the easiest he’s ever had, then accept my sincere condolences. You’ll definitely never have to worry if you don’t do nothing, but that shy guy you’ve been eyeing for almost three weeks now might just be your Mr. Right.

So here’s my take: I’m not saying you should make a move on every good-looking male you see – in fact, I absolutely advice against that! NEVER say anything – not even texting or paging – to a guy unless you are absolutely convinced that you are REALLY into him; that way it’s easier to bear if it goes sour. However, if you ARE into him and he’s cool and froody on the low-low – you know, a real cool homeboy with his swagga in rhythm – then by all means, let him know! Call him or text him and tell him something like… I dunno, you think he’s got a real cute smile, or you aint got power over dreams, but if you did you’d make sure he has a very pleasant rest tonight – nothing too intimate, mind, just something that’s sure to stun him and make him smile like an idiot and wonder what he’s missing. If he’s the real tight gyansta you think he is, then he gonna catch the green-light. And he doesn’t, go ahead and ask him if he’s going out Friday night WITH FRIENDS – then come along with a friend, too! I’m sure you can manage it from there. And if after all this he still doesn’t catch your drift, forget him – he ain’t worth the stress, he’s just a lame-ass, cheap-joke, green-horned, totally un-hip fake-swagged mutherfcuker sucking-on-a-thump.

Or maybe he’s just TOO shy.

(Lol..)