Old Jokes... i think

Just some jokes i scavenged off Nairaland's Jokes section...

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Blind Pilots
Two pilots get on a plane, both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die."

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Pick-up-the-phone
A Jamaican Rastaman went to the hospital for treatment on his badly burnt ears and the doctor asked him, "How did you get your ears so badly burnt?"
The rasta replies, "I and i a-iron mi shirt and one eddiat bwoy caal mi 'pon mi cellphone, and insteada me ansa the phone, me pick up de iron and ansa it."
"Ok,"says the doctor, smiling a little. "That explains one ear. But how do you explain the other ear?"
"The bumbastic eediat call me back!!"

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Pregnancy Test
Three guys are gisting in a beer joint. First guy says, "When my wife was pregnant she was reading a book, A Tale of Two Cities, and she gave birth to twins". The second guy says his wife was reading The Three Musketeers when she was pregnant, and she gave birth to triplets. The third guy drops his beer bottle and starts running home. Bewildered, the other two run after him. They get to his house and see him burning a book. Still panting, the guy explains that the book is Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves - and his wife who is pregnant was reading it!! Aaaaah…not in this house ……it cannot happen!!