Monday, 16 November 2009

Embarrassing Moments

Sometime early this year (i forget when, or maybe I just don’t want to remember), my company organized some sorta "Customer Satisfaction" training program; it was a 2-day thing. Fat waste of time, i can tell you. Plus, the lady doing the training thingy for us - i think her name was Bimbo, but let's call her " the Trainer", has a nice sarcastic edge to it, :D - its my view shaa, but i think she was just there forming "whitey" for us, lol. Ok, i think (honestly thinking, this time) she sincerely meant to impart some "customer-satisfying" knowledge to us, but at that moment we were being owed 2 months’ salary, and that kinda distorted our view of the whole thing. Unpaid salaries can do that, i assure you.

Alright, i digress. Here's the jist: On Day2 of the training, the trainer asked each of us to tell his/her most embarrassing moment. It was really hilarious. Mehn, I laff sotey i come get headache for jaw. See as everybody - from Trainee Yard-hand to DGM - just dey swap stories of dem take up like say tomorrow no dey! Me sef, i talk my own join. I told of how my most embarrassing moment was in my J.S.S 1, first term of my first year in secondary school. I told of the day i came home looking like a pig.

It so happened that my secondary school - CKC, Onitsha - wears "white and white" (for those who don't know, that means white shirt upon white shorts (for juniors) or white trousers for seniors)). I was like 11 then, and i just loved to play - you name it: football, handball, chase, tag, tug-of-war, or just plain fooling around in the sand - kay9 will be there! My mum used to warn me then to watch how i play, that i was now in secondary school, that i now wear "white and white" and i can't afford to dirty it too much.... For where? Who-sai!! It all fell on deaf, playing ears. Then along comes the day that i played the Play to end all plays. I played and played and rolled all over the whole of CKC's football field. After a while i noticed that my white uniform was no longer white in color; in fact, it was totally brown. So i did the smartest thing that came to my head: Remove the shirt, turn it inside out, and put it back on - surely, the inside MUST still be white! And that's what i did. But then the playing field started to call me again, so i ran out to it and played some more - played a WHOLE LOT more. Maka chineke, my uniform hear'am that day.

And then at last, it was time to go home. My God, i looked worse than a pig! My uniform was dirty - stinking dirty! - both inside and out. Even my friends whom i'd been playing with were ashamed of me - and this is the part i never could understand - none of them looked half as dirty as i did! How manage?? Mehn, i don't know how come no teacher saw me like that, but I’m mighty glad none did – cos if they had, walahi, my otule for catch fire. The closing bell rang, and i skunked back home. I never played like that again, ever.

Oh well, that's what i told them at the training, and we all had a good laugh - laughed enough to keep High-Blood pressure away for at least another half-decade, i can tell'ya. But you know what? I bet every one of us there had "crazier" (is there such a word?) embarrassing moments than the ones we talked about. I know i do, lol! My oh my, this kay9 wey una dey see here done do some really really crazy tings o!!

(To be continued.)

Sunday, 15 November 2009

URL Change: may be, may be not...

Dear Blogsville,

I wish to announce to you that i'm may be switching URL's; i don't know why i want to do this, but its been on my mind for a long time now. I still may not carry through with it, but - but if ever you try to pay me a visit and get something like "The blog you are looking for was not found", don't fret, a'ight? Just go on to khay9yne.blogspot; you'll find me there.


Tuesday, 3 November 2009

Last Night...

Hi peeps, howz your new month going? Mine just dey crawl by nga ahu there.

Now, about my last post, almost everyone wanted to know what my replies to Z were like. Ok, i've dragged and dragged, but the honest to God truth is that i don't have them anymore... yes, i deleted them. Now, now, before you shout me down as a two-timing, cheat-ass muther-effing bastard, PLEASE HEAR ME OUT! I keep the SMS's i get from Z (every one of them, God and my nokia phone are my witnesses!), and Z keeps the ones i send to her - i don't like piling up text msgs in my Sent folder, and i suspect Z's like that, too. Ok, that's lame, "suspect"... but c'mon peeps, the thing is Z loves her freedom, and i respect that - that's why i don't go checking all the SMS in her phone and cross-referencing them with mine. Lol! But this much i can tell y'all: my texts to Z were EVERY inch as expressive as hers to me.

Here's a poem i wrote for Z some four years ago. I actually wrote this from memory - couldn't get the original, probably buried somewhere deep under my pile of graduate notes - i'm sure i missed a word or two in more'n three places, and the last verse wasn't properly saved on my biological hard-drive, i'm afraid :) Just tell me what you think.


Last night,
And the night before
I sat out, watching
A starless sky
While a shy baby-moon
Stayed away.
Wrapped up in my sweaters, and
Listening to my juke-box's
Midnight blues,
I thought of you
My baby-boo.

I thought
What wonderful, crazy lines
You and I loop.
What melody -
What symphony -
You and I do:
Me doing the bass,
You doing the treble,
While Mother Nature completes
The orchestra.

Later, going to bed
I hoped that you,
Dear Beautiful Brown Eyes,
Slept in a world
Full of smiles...

- kay9