NEFT Transfer (I)

Just had to blog about this; it actually happened yesterday.

So there i was thinking whadahell, i'll bleeping smile and laugh all i want, my brokeass-ness and perennial troubles can go take a dive in the lagoon for all i care. Easier said than done, mind u, but i managed to pull it off sha. Naim i come say mak i call mumsie and confirm say the bulk of my salary (and i mean BULK!) wey i send mak she take settle issues don reach her hand.

It was a bad idea.

Ring-ring.
"Mumsie how far? U don withdraw am?"

"No-o, i am still waiting for the bank SMS alert. And your dad has..."

(**i interrupt**) "You haven't gotten it??!! But i sent it since tuesday!"

(**oblivious to the interruption**) "...has been calling all day, saying Stephen dem hav been asking..."

(i interrupt again) "But mummy have you checked? Are you in the bank?"

(**oblivious once again) "... asking and demanding for the thing. I don't just know, this NEFT transfer thing sef..."

(**now getting angry**) "Mummy have you checked?!"

(**thankfully it sank in**) "No, no... I'm guessing it will probably finally enter tomorrow, so i called Stephen's wife and Ubana dem, and told them to be a little more patient..."

(**royally pissed now but trying to keep voice down**) "But mummy now!! Why didn't you call me? Its past three now, and they've been waiting since tuesday... Ohh-hm!! Mtcheeww!!"

(getting upset too) "kay9, its this NEFT transfer thing, i wish you'd just sent cash..."

"Ok mummy, i'll call you back, let me call the bank."

I ring off and furiously scroll through my e63 nokia for my account officer's number... i was really fuming and muttering and foaming in the mouth now... On top say i'm basically broke cos i sent all my dough home, naim person come dey use my money play!! Chai, i swear, walahi, somebodi will catch fire today...!!!

Lol..

Ok, lets rewind a little. See, the gist is that you can now send and receive money online from any bank in Nigeria... in principle, at least. There's this ish called NEFT transfer that basically runs the joint; to use it u need to know the destination bank's name, branch, SORT code, and the receiver's new NUBAN account number (every account in Nigeria has that now). And by the way, i'm pretty sure "NEFT" and "SORT" and "NUBAN" all mean something sensible, even if i don't remember being told what they are.

Ok o, na so i go bank to withdraw cash jejely, only for the service personnel to start yiddy-yakking about NEFT. Yes, i'd heard of it, but i thought only GTBank currently uses it? No, she says, all smiles and dimples, all banks use it now. Just fill here, here, and here, and u'r good to go. Okay o. Na so i call mumsie and she send the details sharpish; there and then i filled out the NEFT form and had it posted. Goodbye, july salary. This was tuesday morning.

Fast forward to 3:05pm, thursday afternoon... (chuckling) well, u know the rest... there i was thinking whadahell, i'll bleeping smile and laugh all i want... Ring-ring!..."Ok mummy, i'll call you back, let me call the bank."...

Walahi, sombodi go catch fire today!!!

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That was all yesterday, i'll tell the rest tomorrow (it actually ended wonderfully).

@NuttyJ, kiah, Rep1, rethots, and Mancee, thanks a lot guys; i really appreciate your kind words - and i'm smiling now!

Dry Talk + Comprehension

Ok, so i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today...

No, no wait, that's not how it started.

How it started was, it was like 3.45am and i was already up, eating bread and fried eggs - fried with red oil cos i forgot i ran out of the processed variety days ago.  Tasted like shit, i might add. But yeah, eating bread n eggs, and watching a bootleg dvd of Kung-fu Panda 2. Fully awesome, huh? Well, i just wasn't feeling it. I was having the fuzzy-woozies. So i went to the bathroom and smoked a cigarette. And another. And felt worse. Really really woozy now, the bad kind - like you get when you're recovering from a bad bout of malaria. No, wait... i think the cigarettes came first; cigarette - fuzzy-woozy - shitty eggs. Whatever. Either way, by the time i was through, i was feeling like poop-smear on the wall.

Then factor in the freakin' cold...

I guess what i'm trying to say is, why the blazes isn't today saturday?

Ahh well, that's all just dry talk. I had actually wanted to do today was a post on the principle of  Comprehension and how it also applies to relationships. You know, something in the line of "if you really comprehend what someone thinks of you, then you wouldn't be surprised by how they act or react to you..."

Or something like that.


I don't know, it all sounds kinda shallow now, but it really had a lot of flesh on it when i was thinking about it yesterday. Prolly has something to do with the shitty day.

My boss and i had a major fallout this week, and he basically rolled out every war-arm in his arsenal - yells, taunts, warnings, a big-ass query, and a sack threat - and i just sat there and took it, like the freakin man of steel. Little shitty man with little shitty power, too bad he isn't the one that employed me. I wish he'd just understand that i'm not forming die-hard or anything; i just dont fcuking care anymore.

Thank God its friday.

THE WAY I ARE

To all the NIGERIAN girlfriends i’ve dated in my life, and to the ones I’m still gonna date in future:

1. My pay-check bears only my name; stop asking me how much it has on it.

2. Either call me or don’t; “flashing” is no longer acceptable. It is silly, childish, clogs up the network, and seriously reduces my battery life.

2(b). A relationship is a two-way thing; it saddens me that I do all the calling (and texting and "facebooking", too).

2(c). When I call you today, don’t ask me why I didn’t call yesterday; honestly, I can’t even begin to explain how annoying that is.

3. Until you start paying the cab guy, picking up our dinner tab, paying for our movie tickets, recharging my phone every week, adding me to your monthly budget  – in fact, until you start doing (at least) half of what I’m doing for you, don’t even talk to me about equality. I don't like to discuss it, but honestly, money talks louder where i come from.

4. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, shebi? So how come you can have texts on phone that begin “Hello swt hrt…”, and I can’t?

5. I can actually cook for myself. I just thought I should remind you.

6. I’m sure Sigmund Freud said somewhere that women enjoy sex as much as men do, so pray tell, is it just me or is something really wrong with you?

7. For chrissakes, watch some foreign movies – I’m tired of hearing about Osuofia and Aki and Paw-paw!

8. I will never raise my hand against you, I swear it – but you’d better never raise yours neither. Babe, this is Nigeria; around here it’s only in home movies that women slap men and get away with it.

9. And lastly, I’m your boyfriend, not your father – and we ain’t married yet, neither. So you should understand when I wish you’d stop asking me for money to make your hair (or a million other things you keep cooking up). I actually know when to do treats for you, so please stop asking me for them yourself! It spoils the whole romantic kiniko. Msshewwww!

Now, if all these make me a bad boyfriend, or  a “scrub”, or “unromantic”, or whatever name it is dubbed these days, then sorry – that’s just the way I are.

Musings and Poor Chile

Last day of the month...

I'm yet to receive my salary; tough shit i guess.

I keep telling people that drinking beer straight from the bottle is like kissing a girl, but most don't believe me. Buy a beer today and hic! check for yourself.

I think President Yar'Adua is dead; Turai and Segun Adeniyi are just lying summabeeches... well, technically, Turai is just a lying beech. 

Suru, 2cute4u, MyneWhitman, and Muyiwa have put up a blog to help disaster-affected Nigerians, "We Are Jos". Go check. I'm 101% behind it.

Chile's just suffered a 8.8 magnitude earthquake - stronger than what hit Haiti weeks ago. About 300 expected dead, probably more. And i thought i had problems... (2cute, any chance we can do anything about this one?)

Still think 2012 is a joke?

I wonder.