Friday, 29 July 2011

NEFT Transfer (I)

Just had to blog about this; it actually happened yesterday.

So there i was thinking whadahell, i'll bleeping smile and laugh all i want, my brokeass-ness and perennial troubles can go take a dive in the lagoon for all i care. Easier said than done, mind u, but i managed to pull it off sha. Naim i come say mak i call mumsie and confirm say the bulk of my salary (and i mean BULK!) wey i send mak she take settle issues don reach her hand.

It was a bad idea.

"Mumsie how far? U don withdraw am?"
"No-o, i am still waiting for the bank SMS alert. And your dad has..."
(**i interrupt**) "You haven't gotten it??!! But i sent it since tuesday!"
(**oblivious to the interruption**) "...has been calling all day, saying Stephen dem hav been asking..."
(i interrupt again) "But mummy have you checked? Are you in the bank?"
(**oblivious once again) "... asking and demanding for the thing. I don't just know, this NEFT transfer thing sef..."
(**now getting angry**) "Mummy have you checked?!"
(**thankfully it sank in**) "No, no... I'm guessing it will probably finally enter tomorrow, so i called Stephen's wife and Ubana dem, and told them to be a little more patient..."
(**royally pissed now but trying to keep voice down**) "But mummy now!! Why didn't you call me? Its past three now, and they've been waiting since tuesday... Ohh-hm!! Mtcheeww!!"
(getting upset too) "kay9, its this NEFT transfer thing, i wish you'd just sent cash..."
"Ok mummy, i'll call you back, let me call the bank."

I ring off and furiously scroll through my e63 nokia for my account officer's number... i was really fuming and muttering and foaming in the mouth now... On top say i'm basically broke cos i sent all my dough home, naim person come dey use my money play!! Chai, i swear, walahi, somebodi will catch fire today...!!!


Ok, lets rewind a little. See, the gist is that you can now send and receive money online from any bank in Nigeria... in principle, at least. There's this ish called NEFT transfer that basically runs the joint; to use it u need to know the destination bank's name, branch, SORT code, and the receiver's new NUBAN account number (every account in Nigeria has that now). And by the way, i'm pretty sure "NEFT" and "SORT" and "NUBAN" all mean something sensible, even if i don't remember being told what they are.

Ok o, na so i go bank to withdraw cash jejely, only for the service personnel to start yiddy-yakking about NEFT. Yes, i'd heard of it, but i thought only GTBank currently uses it? No, she says, all smiles and dimples, all banks use it now. Just fill here, here, and here, and u'r good to go. Okay o. Na so i call mumsie and she send the details sharpish; there and then i filled out the NEFT form and had it posted. Goodbye, july salary. This was tuesday morning.

Fast forward to 3:05pm, thursday afternoon... (chuckling) well, u know the rest... there i was thinking whadahell, i'll bleeping smile and laugh all i want... Ring-ring!..."Ok mummy, i'll call you back, let me call the bank."...

Walahi, sombodi go catch fire today!!!


That was all yesterday, i'll tell the rest tomorrow (it actually ended wonderfully).

@NuttyJ, kiah, Rep1, rethots, and Mancee, thanks a lot guys; i really appreciate your kind words - and i'm smiling now!

Monday, 25 July 2011


I have this thing i tell myself when things get really tough for me: Nobody promised you that life would be easy, so suck it up and stop complaining. But sometimes, sometimes i just wish...

I'm very unhappy right now.

Hello Nutty J, welcome back, missed ya. Hope the experience wasn't so bad, dear; glad u better now. I did hit the reply button on your blog, but self-pity kept swallowing what i wantd to say.

Ada bekee, i saw your post, but... my dear, i can't seem to work up any excitement.

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Old Jokes... i think

Just some jokes i scavenged off Nairaland's Jokes section...


Blind Pilots
Two pilots get on a plane, both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die."


A Jamaican Rastaman went to the hospital for treatment on his badly burnt ears and the doctor asked him, "How did you get your ears so badly burnt?"
The rasta replies, "I and i a-iron mi shirt and one eddiat bwoy caal mi 'pon mi cellphone, and insteada me ansa the phone, me pick up de iron and ansa it."
"Ok,"says the doctor, smiling a little. "That explains one ear. But how do you explain the other ear?"
"The bumbastic eediat call me back!!"


Pregnancy Test
Three guys are gisting in a beer joint. First guy says, "When my wife was pregnant she was reading a book, A Tale of Two Cities, and she gave birth to twins". The second guy says his wife was reading The Three Musketeers when she was pregnant, and she gave birth to triplets. The third guy drops his beer bottle and starts running home. Bewildered, the other two run after him. They get to his house and see him burning a book. Still panting, the guy explains that the book is Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves - and his wife who is pregnant was reading it!! Aaaaah…not in this house ……it cannot happen!!

Friday, 1 July 2011

Et cetera, et cetera

Howdy, new month and all.

I'm posting this from my fone, so i really dont know wat its gonna look like. Having said that may i also add that i really dont have jack to talk about, just an odd feelng that today would be a nice day to blog. And hey, better ignore the title of this post. It just felt like a good thing to say.

My boss n i have kissed and made up (figuratively o); i spent a better part of this morning in the tozo's office, helping him edit a contract proposal. God, that morrafocka can worry; the office intercom rings virtually every 7mins!
''Come come come come!''
''Yes sir.''

And then i show up only to find out the fat cat just wants me to copy some shit from excel to word for him. See as i don turn P.A.

Funny thing is, if i didnt knw enough, i'd say he's just doing it to frustrate me. But he isn't. The man just lurrvvs giving orders, and since the day he found out i ws good with computers, my life has never been the same again.

I sincerely hope this month brings some goodies along with it; God knows i badly need a break. Now if only some long-lost stinking-rich relative would suddenly die (may his soul be granted eternal repose in the Lord's bosom), and bequeath all his earthly possessions to moi...

Better, luvlier years ahead to Freaksho and Sirius! U both make marriage sound like it's fun...or is it? Me, i just wana catch some tail tonight, its been a while mehn.