Thursday, 22 December 2011

NEFT Transfer (II)

Mostly in response to Kiah's request. Its 5months behind schedule o, but hey, nothing's been on schedule for me lately. :)


Recap: It was 3:25pm; banks close to customers by 3:45pm, and Stephen dem needed to withdraw the chips before COB.
Status: the bank lady (same one that adviced the NEFT crap) just confirmed that the money still hadn't left my account. But why na? Eeh, she doesn't know, maybe cos, umm maybe...

Bloody baka-yarou!

My brain goes into overdrive.

I run upstairs, grab my colleague's car keys (the dude was in the warehouse fooling around with 4-1/2'' IF crossovers), and run for the car park outside. Simultaneously, i call my account officer at the bank (who thankfully also doubles as our company's liaison bank personnel) and beg her to make available so-so amount for me, abeggggg, say person need am sharperly. She say no shaking, mak i dey come. Check.

I slow down long enough outside to type a text to my mum - ''Text me Stephen's account number''. Send. Dash into the car - thank God na auto transmission - back out n race towards bank. Simultaneously calling collegue and begging to use his car abeggggg (bros no knw say i don tak off with car already o, lol). I don reach bank sef when he finally says ok. Check.

Time - 3:32pm.

I race into bank, straight to account officer's office (she get small levels for the bank shaa); money's ready already, i should just fill out the teller, she'll handle the rest. I short-hand through the teller, thank her profusely, grab the cheddah and race out again. My phone beeps as i'm re-entering the car - Stephen's bank details, diamond bank. Mmm.

On a side note, thank God i decided to take those driving lessons during my leave in May/June; seriously, Agent 007 had nothing on me that afternoon.

3:47pm; i'm in front of Diamond bank. I race inside; security flexes its muscle and i flash my 6,000 watts smile - bros, how far na? Abeggg, abeggg... Lol. Door opens and i'm inside. Check.


Finally sometime around 4:10pm, i call mumsie, ''Tell Stephen dem to go withdraw their money.''

Mission Accomplished... mehn, am i good or what??

Saturday, 26 November 2011

Hello Blogsville... Hello Seattle

Yeah... Its me all right, thought its about time i dropped by.

Ok, so this morning while i was cleaning stuff up, my laptop cued in Owl City's "Hello Seattle"; i ended up replaying the track like four times, but by the fifth iteration i still had no idea what the song was talking about. So...

So i checked up good ol' Google. The results i got ranged from insightful to silly, to downright hilarious. One poster at some random lyrics site like that really cracked me up... :D

@NuttyJ, hope u doing ok gurl.

Friday, 29 July 2011

NEFT Transfer (I)

Just had to blog about this; it actually happened yesterday.

So there i was thinking whadahell, i'll bleeping smile and laugh all i want, my brokeass-ness and perennial troubles can go take a dive in the lagoon for all i care. Easier said than done, mind u, but i managed to pull it off sha. Naim i come say mak i call mumsie and confirm say the bulk of my salary (and i mean BULK!) wey i send mak she take settle issues don reach her hand.

It was a bad idea.

"Mumsie how far? U don withdraw am?"
"No-o, i am still waiting for the bank SMS alert. And your dad has..."
(**i interrupt**) "You haven't gotten it??!! But i sent it since tuesday!"
(**oblivious to the interruption**) "...has been calling all day, saying Stephen dem hav been asking..."
(i interrupt again) "But mummy have you checked? Are you in the bank?"
(**oblivious once again) "... asking and demanding for the thing. I don't just know, this NEFT transfer thing sef..."
(**now getting angry**) "Mummy have you checked?!"
(**thankfully it sank in**) "No, no... I'm guessing it will probably finally enter tomorrow, so i called Stephen's wife and Ubana dem, and told them to be a little more patient..."
(**royally pissed now but trying to keep voice down**) "But mummy now!! Why didn't you call me? Its past three now, and they've been waiting since tuesday... Ohh-hm!! Mtcheeww!!"
(getting upset too) "kay9, its this NEFT transfer thing, i wish you'd just sent cash..."
"Ok mummy, i'll call you back, let me call the bank."

I ring off and furiously scroll through my e63 nokia for my account officer's number... i was really fuming and muttering and foaming in the mouth now... On top say i'm basically broke cos i sent all my dough home, naim person come dey use my money play!! Chai, i swear, walahi, somebodi will catch fire today...!!!


Ok, lets rewind a little. See, the gist is that you can now send and receive money online from any bank in Nigeria... in principle, at least. There's this ish called NEFT transfer that basically runs the joint; to use it u need to know the destination bank's name, branch, SORT code, and the receiver's new NUBAN account number (every account in Nigeria has that now). And by the way, i'm pretty sure "NEFT" and "SORT" and "NUBAN" all mean something sensible, even if i don't remember being told what they are.

Ok o, na so i go bank to withdraw cash jejely, only for the service personnel to start yiddy-yakking about NEFT. Yes, i'd heard of it, but i thought only GTBank currently uses it? No, she says, all smiles and dimples, all banks use it now. Just fill here, here, and here, and u'r good to go. Okay o. Na so i call mumsie and she send the details sharpish; there and then i filled out the NEFT form and had it posted. Goodbye, july salary. This was tuesday morning.

Fast forward to 3:05pm, thursday afternoon... (chuckling) well, u know the rest... there i was thinking whadahell, i'll bleeping smile and laugh all i want... Ring-ring!..."Ok mummy, i'll call you back, let me call the bank."...

Walahi, sombodi go catch fire today!!!


That was all yesterday, i'll tell the rest tomorrow (it actually ended wonderfully).

@NuttyJ, kiah, Rep1, rethots, and Mancee, thanks a lot guys; i really appreciate your kind words - and i'm smiling now!

Monday, 25 July 2011


I have this thing i tell myself when things get really tough for me: Nobody promised you that life would be easy, so suck it up and stop complaining. But sometimes, sometimes i just wish...

I'm very unhappy right now.

Hello Nutty J, welcome back, missed ya. Hope the experience wasn't so bad, dear; glad u better now. I did hit the reply button on your blog, but self-pity kept swallowing what i wantd to say.

Ada bekee, i saw your post, but... my dear, i can't seem to work up any excitement.

Thursday, 14 July 2011

Old Jokes... i think

Just some jokes i scavenged off Nairaland's Jokes section...


Blind Pilots
Two pilots get on a plane, both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane. Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway and the people sitting in the window seats realize they’re headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport. As it begins to look as though the plane will plough in to the water, panicked screams fill the cabin. At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,"Ya know, Bob, one of these days, they’re gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die."


A Jamaican Rastaman went to the hospital for treatment on his badly burnt ears and the doctor asked him, "How did you get your ears so badly burnt?"
The rasta replies, "I and i a-iron mi shirt and one eddiat bwoy caal mi 'pon mi cellphone, and insteada me ansa the phone, me pick up de iron and ansa it."
"Ok,"says the doctor, smiling a little. "That explains one ear. But how do you explain the other ear?"
"The bumbastic eediat call me back!!"


Pregnancy Test
Three guys are gisting in a beer joint. First guy says, "When my wife was pregnant she was reading a book, A Tale of Two Cities, and she gave birth to twins". The second guy says his wife was reading The Three Musketeers when she was pregnant, and she gave birth to triplets. The third guy drops his beer bottle and starts running home. Bewildered, the other two run after him. They get to his house and see him burning a book. Still panting, the guy explains that the book is Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves - and his wife who is pregnant was reading it!! Aaaaah…not in this house ……it cannot happen!!

Friday, 1 July 2011

Et cetera, et cetera

Howdy, new month and all.

I'm posting this from my fone, so i really dont know wat its gonna look like. Having said that may i also add that i really dont have jack to talk about, just an odd feelng that today would be a nice day to blog. And hey, better ignore the title of this post. It just felt like a good thing to say.

My boss n i have kissed and made up (figuratively o); i spent a better part of this morning in the tozo's office, helping him edit a contract proposal. God, that morrafocka can worry; the office intercom rings virtually every 7mins!
''Come come come come!''
''Yes sir.''

And then i show up only to find out the fat cat just wants me to copy some shit from excel to word for him. See as i don turn P.A.

Funny thing is, if i didnt knw enough, i'd say he's just doing it to frustrate me. But he isn't. The man just lurrvvs giving orders, and since the day he found out i ws good with computers, my life has never been the same again.

I sincerely hope this month brings some goodies along with it; God knows i badly need a break. Now if only some long-lost stinking-rich relative would suddenly die (may his soul be granted eternal repose in the Lord's bosom), and bequeath all his earthly possessions to moi...

Better, luvlier years ahead to Freaksho and Sirius! U both make marriage sound like it's fun...or is it? Me, i just wana catch some tail tonight, its been a while mehn.

Friday, 17 June 2011

Dry Talk + Comprehension

Ok, so i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today...

No, no wait, that's not how it started.

How it started was, it was like 3.45am and i was already up, eating bread and fried eggs - fried with red oil cos i forgot i ran out of the processed variety days ago.  Tasted like shit, i might add. But yeah, eating bread n eggs, and watching a bootleg dvd of Kung-fu Panda 2. Fully awesome, huh? Well, i just wasn't feeling it. I was having the fuzzy-woozies. So i went to the bathroom and smoked a cigarette. And another. And felt worse. Really really woozy now, the bad kind - like you get when you're recovering from a bad bout of malaria. No, wait... i think the cigarettes came first; cigarette - fuzzy-woozy - shitty eggs. Whatever. Either way, by the time i was through, i was feeling like poop-smear on the wall.

Then factor in the freakin' cold...

I guess what i'm trying to say is, why the blazes isn't today saturday?

Ahh well, that's all just dry talk. I had actually wanted to do today was a post on the principle of  Comprehension and how it also applies to relationships. You know, something in the line of "if you really comprehend what someone thinks of you, then you wouldn't be surprised by how they act or react to you..."

Or something like that.

I don't know, it all sounds kinda shallow now, but it really had a lot of flesh on it when i was thinking about it yesterday. Prolly has something to do with the shitty day.

My boss and i had a major fallout this week, and he basically rolled out every war-arm in his arsenal - yells, taunts, warnings, a big-ass query, and a sack threat - and i just sat there and took it, like the freakin man of steel. Little shitty man with little shitty power, too bad he isn't the one that employed me. I wish he'd just understand that i'm not forming die-hard or anything; i just dont fcuking care anymore.

Thank God its friday.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

In-between the ROVs

I'm a little at loss how to begin this post, learning the ropes all over again maybe. I actually had to force myself to post this. Been postponing for days now. So here i am, halfway through the report on ROVs i was supposed to have submitted yesterday, and i'm like, wtf, i'm gonna blog right now.

Anybody remember that Schwarzeneger movie where a kid goes to a cinema and somehow gets sucked into the action movie he was watching? Remember how the kid kept saying gleefully, "I'm in a movie! I'm in a movie!!"? Well, that's kinda like how i felt yesterday. Lol... here, go see. Thing is, umm, hey Freaksho, can i get more lines? I mean, all i did was shake my head a couple of times and thump at some computer; mehn, even the frigging gorilla in KingKong had more lines than that, lol... And while we're at it, how about throwing some activity my way? I gotta tell u, i have this bad-ass Jet Li move i've been trying out, u know... :D

Ok, gotta run back to the ROVs. My coy just merged with (more like was bought over, actually) with these bigger dudes, and there's talk of some guys going on training. Mmm, hope it gets to me.


Thursday, 12 May 2011

Writer's Block

I used to love writing.

I don't know what happened to me to change that. "Life", perhaps. But i used to love
writing. Seeing the blue ink flowing from the tip of my pen, gracing the smooth white paper and forever changing its destiny and purpose in life (oh yeah, i believe papers have purposes in life, too). Aah, the sweet, sweet rush of adrenaline as a fantastic idea takes hold of my head and i can't wait to pour it all unto a sheet of foolscap commandeered from my kid brother's schoolbag...

Well, like i said, i don't know what happened. All i know is suddenly i can't seem to string together two sentences without hitting a brain-jam. It usually goes like this: I lay out a fresh A4 paper, put the tip of my ball-pen between my teeth, and my eyes zone out to neatherealm. Two hours later i'm still in the same position, the A4 spotless and unblemished - like a freaking virgin. Shit.

By the way, isn't that what they call a writer's block? Ah well, whatever.

Or, maybe it has something to do with my 8-5. These days i feel soooo unproductive. If someone were to give me a score-card right now and asked me to score myself on net personal productivity, i'd give myself a big fat zero. Yeah, its that bad. And nothing kills the mind faster than idleness. i am, writing my sad little story, and wondering where the f**k i got it wrong.