Friday, 22 October 2010

THE WAY I ARE

To all the NIGERIAN girlfriends i’ve dated in my life, and to the ones I’m still gonna date in future:

1. My pay-check bears only my name; stop asking me how much it has on it.

2. Either call me or don’t; “flashing” is no longer acceptable. It is silly, childish, clogs up the network, and seriously reduces my battery life.

2(b). A relationship is a two-way thing; it saddens me that I do all the calling (and texting and "facebooking", too).

2(c). When I call you today, don’t ask me why I didn’t call yesterday; honestly, I can’t even begin to explain how annoying that is.

3. Until you start paying the cab guy, picking up our dinner tab, paying for our movie tickets, recharging my phone every week, adding me to your monthly budget  – in fact, until you start doing (at least) half of what I’m doing for you, don’t even talk to me about equality. I don't like to discuss it, but honestly, money talks louder where i come from.

4. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander, shebi? So how come you can have texts on phone that begin “Hello swt hrt…”, and I can’t?

5. I can actually cook for myself. I just thought I should remind you.

6. I’m sure Sigmund Freud said somewhere that women enjoy sex as much as men do, so pray tell, is it just me or is something really wrong with you?

7. For chrissakes, watch some foreign movies – I’m tired of hearing about Osuofia and Aki and Paw-paw!

8. I will never raise my hand against you, I swear it – but you’d better never raise yours neither. Babe, this is Nigeria; around here it’s only in home movies that women slap men and get away with it.

9. And lastly, I’m your boyfriend, not your father – and we ain’t married yet, neither. So you should understand when I wish you’d stop asking me for money to make your hair (or a million other things you keep cooking up). I actually know when to do treats for you, so please stop asking me for them yourself! It spoils the whole romantic kiniko. Msshewwww!

Now, if all these make me a bad boyfriend, or  a “scrub”, or “unromantic”, or whatever name it is dubbed these days, then sorry – that’s just the way I are.

21 comments:

Nutty J. said...

ah han...you harsh o

No 4. come on...we are chicks, every one calls us swt heart, and its different with when a guy is called 'swt heart', 'darling' etc

No. 5: I like a man who cook.

No. 7: I agree...

No. 9: If we dont ask, you'll say 'how am i supposed to read ur mind', if we ask 'i'm not ur daddy'...bleh!!! just give me a blank cheque already!!!

Good post man...future Miss Kay9...heads up

Lara said...

Future Mrs Kay9 has got some serious exams to pass before she qualifies for that position.

E go hard before you find that kin woman for Naija oh...

jobsfornaija.com said...

Na wa oh, i definately cant ever be Mrs Kay!

Myne Whitman said...

kay, you don hear am from the horses mouth. maybe some of these rules need to change?

IMO, I agree with all and think you should change the babes you roll with.

Freaksho said...

Love number 9. Somebody, make it a t-shirt already!

Harry-Rami Itie said...

ROTFL....Nice one

Nice Anon said...

I agree 100%

kay9 said...

@nutty: "we are chicks...", see yo mouth, lol...

@lara: actually, i've met a few.

@JFN: i know!! lol!

@Myne: no mind the "horses"; IMO, their opinion is skewed, no pun intended. :)

@freaksho: U r my man!

@Harry: just saying my mind, dude.

@ada-bekee: i don't believe u!!! lol, u ada-bekee, agree 100%?? mmmh. well, i sure didn't see this one coming...

2cute4u said...

You are not in tune with reality dear!
Imagine the list!
You so dare to give a list abi?
I had so much to say to you Friday but, I guess you're entitled to your needs and desires. ' Hoping that you realise that not all men have this tall list but just you..
Also hope you're ready to accept her tall list too huh?
SMH @ you.

kay9 said...

@2cute: babe, u funny o! lol... list ke? these aren't requirements, didn't u read the title? it is just me! Chai, umu-nwanyi, lol...

isha said...

Not harsh. Very real; some women need to have the truth drummed in their heads now and again.

Take this from someone who is a strong advocate for Gender Equality - No. 3 should be made into an anthem.

awittyfool said...

LOL. K9, I beg dont make me laugh. I am with U 100%. it doesn't seem like such a tall order, especially not in this day and age.
but serious though, d fact that U needed 2 make d list at all means that... you need to start hanging with a different class of female.

Repressed One said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
RepressedOne said...

Crap!! what i do that for...lets try this again

LMAO!! Naija babes in Naija must really be different. I'm cracking the hell up at these comments...uall really think this 'list' is a tall order?? Na wa.

I agree 100% jare, Kay! It's sad you even have to mention these things...in this case they should be requirements sef.

...actually make that 99%. I roll my eyes at 2c oh...don't freaking say you will call and then don't. I reserve the right to ask why you didn't :0

didn't feel like logging back on jo!

kay9 said...

@isha: too bad i'm a horrible singer, i for don compose the anthem.

@witty: my dear, e be like say i go switch lanes o.

@Rep1: U misunderstood. I'm not talking promising to call n then not calling; 2(c) is one of those times u get moon-struck thinking of yo sweet heart, n u just decide to call to hear her voice... only for the said sweet-heart to answer n ask why u didnt call her yesterday!

Nigerian Scorpio said...

This is funny. I like.

Tatababe said...

LOL!! Dude! You're not playing o! heheheheeee..

PET said...

lol... this is a serious somethin ohh

LG said...

LOL chicks una don hear???? :)

Omotee! said...

Niggy u harsh, lol!

ok some of them need to be said but niggy, really, sofry sofry o

thanx for stopping by mine

kay9 said...

@Naija Scorpio: glad u do!

@Tatababe: u bet i'm not, dis one na spiritual someting.

@P.E.T: shebi i don talk am...

LG: hear, hear!!

Omotee: babe, dis one don pass "sofry, sofry". times are even your fellow guys go like "dude, u too stingy"; wtf?!

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