Offshore

I actually wrote this three days ago, but the wireless here's been more erratic than even our own good old PHCN

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Right now, I'm on an offshore oil-rig, the Noble Percy Johns, off Rivers State. Been here six days now and counting. Its terribly boring, there's no drilling going on - we are actually here for a rig move to a new platform. Luckily, the internet conn came up last night, so I've been sitting in front of my system all day, just surfing, surfing...

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There's this white South African dude here, he's the rig safety officer. Mehn, the guy na real chatter-box, as in chatter-box-with-an-attitude. And most of the time, all the fella chatters about is sex. Shuo! How he fcuked one Akwa Ibom chic... how he fcuked two Vietnamese chics... how he prefers 3-somes to 2-somes... how he told his South African gf to suck some dude's ****!! Damn! Triple-crazy-damn!!!
It was when he got to the part where he told his so-called gf to do the BJ that i told him that's pretty twisted. I mean, i'm a free guy, i don't mind how another dude wants to run his life, whatever floats your boat... But this guy wasn't just twisted; he's totally bent, and i sure as hell don't hang with bent guys (except if they're gonna pay me a million dollars - hold on, make that ten million). Got me wondering what South African white women are like...

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Z's playing hide-and-seek with me... on Facebook! Loooool!

Seriously, she is. I don't know why she's pretending to be somebody else - at least, she's definitely not using her name. She's using some phony name that sounds like something out of a sci-fi flick. I found out about a week ago; it was the way she writes - you know what they say about a leopard and its colours - well, NOBODY else in the whole wide world uses abbreviated words like Z does; she has a shortened version of virtually EVERY word in the English vocabulary, plus she never EVER uses a full-stop unless she totally absolutely has to. And then the clincher: her FB profile info is just too familiar to be a coincidence.

I'd asked Z if she was on FB before, but she didn't give me a definite answer. I knew from experience that she doesn't like being pressed for details so i chilled. Then about a month ago i get this friendship request; i almost didn't accept, but then i checked out the profile and saw that the person had schooled in FUTO. I thought whadda hell, you'd have to around the world three times b4 you find the fella who can scope a home-grown naija-ninja like me. So i accepted. I didn't give another thought to it until last week when it suddenly clicked: this is Z!

I know it all sounds too thin to assume so much, but you know... the way you know somebody so well you're dead sure this is them. I just know it.
I'm still keeping mum shaa, its kinda fun, see - no need to disillusion her - unless she's reading this, of course!