Monday, 5 October 2009


I actually wrote this three days ago, but the wireless here's been more erratic than even our own good old PHCN


Right now, I'm on an offshore oil-rig, the Noble Percy Johns, off Rivers State. Been here six days now and counting. Its terribly boring, there's no drilling going on - we are actually here for a rig move to a new platform. Luckily, the internet conn came up last night, so I've been sitting in front of my system all day, just surfing, surfing...


There's this white South African dude here, he's the rig safety officer. Mehn, the guy na real chatter-box, as in chatter-box-with-an-attitude. And most of the time, all the fella chatters about is sex. Shuo! How he fcuked one Akwa Ibom chic... how he fcuked two Vietnamese chics... how he prefers 3-somes to 2-somes... how he told his South African gf to suck some dude's ****!! Damn! Triple-crazy-damn!!!
It was when he got to the part where he told his so-called gf to do the BJ that i told him that's pretty twisted. I mean, i'm a free guy, i don't mind how another dude wants to run his life, whatever floats your boat... But this guy wasn't just twisted; he's totally bent, and i sure as hell don't hang with bent guys (except if they're gonna pay me a million dollars - hold on, make that ten million). Got me wondering what South African white women are like...


Z's playing hide-and-seek with me... on Facebook! Loooool!

Seriously, she is. I don't know why she's pretending to be somebody else - at least, she's definitely not using her name. She's using some phony name that sounds like something out of a sci-fi flick. I found out about a week ago; it was the way she writes - you know what they say about a leopard and its colours - well, NOBODY else in the whole wide world uses abbreviated words like Z does; she has a shortened version of virtually EVERY word in the English vocabulary, plus she never EVER uses a full-stop unless she totally absolutely has to. And then the clincher: her FB profile info is just too familiar to be a coincidence.

I'd asked Z if she was on FB before, but she didn't give me a definite answer. I knew from experience that she doesn't like being pressed for details so i chilled. Then about a month ago i get this friendship request; i almost didn't accept, but then i checked out the profile and saw that the person had schooled in FUTO. I thought whadda hell, you'd have to around the world three times b4 you find the fella who can scope a home-grown naija-ninja like me. So i accepted. I didn't give another thought to it until last week when it suddenly clicked: this is Z!

I know it all sounds too thin to assume so much, but you know... the way you know somebody so well you're dead sure this is them. I just know it.
I'm still keeping mum shaa, its kinda fun, see - no need to disillusion her - unless she's reading this, of course!


Nice Anon said...

Why are you guys even playing hide and seek with each other? Oro ro no dey tire una?

Myne Whitman said...

Funny with the hide and seek, why not ask her flat out? As for your rig colleague, bent AND twisted. SMH

chayoma said...

Damn, my mom used to dream that i wld work offshore whilst she went shopping spending all my $$$$ lol. But that dude is truly bent. Gosh! Can only imagine, infact wipe that thot off, dont want to.
This hide and seek game self...hmmm

akabagucci said...

hmm.. percy jones did a bit of drilling on the assets I managed in my last life.....

i would have said dude was making it up -- but then money opens a lot of doors so i will just keep mum

kay9 said...

@Ada-bekee: Why? Becos - becos... ahhh, i dunno. Z likes hide n seek, tho.

@MyneW: Naa, cant do that. Last year i'd have done that, but something tells me this is better.

@chybabe: Better pray ur mom's dream doesn't come true; sure the money makes sense, but its nowhere near as cool as it sounds.

@Danny: U wrote something 'bout dirty coveralls some time ago, right? Yeah, figures. About the bent fella, you can factor in the South African variable, too :)

Repressed One said...

Hide and seek ke? lol...she dey take style keep tabs on you or wetin? Hia! all these lovers games sef...make una enjoy!

kay9 said...

@Rep1: Thanx jare, just wish they'd let me off this rig.

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