Wednesday, 21 April 2010

On This Relationship Thing

I’ve never liked telling people how to live their lives, always seemed too nosey and “bizzy-body” to me. Even more, I’ve always tried not to talk/discuss about relationships on this blog. You know, the whole boy-girl thing – what the boy/girl should and shouldn’t do, what works and what doesn’t, all that ish. My reason? One: it’s too messy, and it’s just a matter of time before someone’s feelings are hurt, and then the insults start to fly. Messy.
Two: Simple, I’m no expert. And I absolutely hate giving advice on something I ain’t grounded in. So to excuse myself, I always add something like “in my opinion…”, or “if you ask me…”, or “the way I see it…”

Still, I never do that unless I’m asked first.

BUT today – today, I’m going to break my rule. I’m going to talk about relationship. Nothing in-depth, mind you, just a little something on this question: is it ok for a girl to tell a guy that she likes him? Actually, it was something on naijashawty’s blog that prompted this. Y’all might wanna go and read first, then come back.

And my answer: An unequivocal, undiluted and indisputable YES! By all means, babe, tell him!!

I know girls are very sensitive – to criticism, to insults, to even silence. I also know that any normal babe will want her man to take the first step (if possible, even the second, third, fourth, tenth, etc… lol). Now, besides these, the society also plays a part; out-spoken girls are somewhat seen as “easy”, uncultured, “domineering”, or even fly (that’s a nice way of saying she’s a whore). Have I listed all the arguments? I dunno, but we’ll work with these ones for now. Ok, so in the face of all this then, imagine a girl coming out boldly (no less!) to tell you she loves your style; is it “ok”?

Yup, by all means.

Dear me, dear me! I can imagine Ada-bekee and Fabulola shaking their collective heads and hissing "over their dead bodies", lol! Babes, it is ok! Listen to me, guys are not animals. We also have feelings, we understand fears – being the ones who’d usually brave the likely rejection and embarrassment, you can rest assured we actually KNOW how it feels. 

The way I see it, the two biggest fears (I stand to be corrected, of course) of a girl who wants to speak her mind to a guy are: (1) Rejection, and (2) Being seen as “too easy”. Now, hear this: it is my personal opinion (and conviction, too) that the fear of being rejected comes up because babes are so used to being on the giving-out end, the longer end of the stick, the higher pedestal. Remember that last guy you told to please act like an adult and stop embarrassing himself? Or that other idiot who stopped disturbing you after you texted him “Please, I beg you, PISS OFF!!”?(**smh, lwkmd… umu nwanyi!!) And now you are wondering what will happen if you asked this really handsome Adonis what he’s doing Friday night – what if he replies with something like what you told that poor mumu who’d been stalking you for 2months now? God, you’d just die!! Loool…. Teeehehehe! Not so funny now, right? Wrong again! IT IS FUNNY

Okay, okay, I just had to get that one out. Sincerely though, there’s no way out of this one; all you can do is try and not hit on someone who’s too vain. Only a really, really vain and proud ass-wipe would snub a babe, and thankfully there aren’t many of them. As for being too easy, we all know society isn’t what it used to be. We all watch American films where girls ask guys out – who remembers Run-away Bride? In the end she had to propose to the guy, abi? Silly and stupid film IMO, but my point is society has moved away from when girls speaking first was a taboo.

Ok the Naija factor next, shebi? Guys in naija ain’t like guys outside, right? Bullshit. Babe, use your woman-sense, pick your guy right; ever wonder why a guy would talk to a girl, but not to her friend? Cos his instincts tell him talking to her would be a bad idea. Of course he might be wrong; it may well turn out the one he’s talking to is the one who’s gonna sleep with his best friend later, but it’s a risk he accepted and decided to take. In the same way, choose your guy, but bear in mind it might be a wrong choice – that’s why it’s a RELATIONSHIP. If the guy goes on later to brag to his friends that you were the easiest he’s ever had, then accept my sincere condolences. You’ll definitely never have to worry if you don’t do nothing, but that shy guy you’ve been eyeing for almost three weeks now might just be your Mr. Right.

So here’s my take: I’m not saying you should make a move on every good-looking male you see – in fact, I absolutely advice against that! NEVER say anything – not even texting or paging – to a guy unless you are absolutely convinced that you are REALLY into him; that way it’s easier to bear if it goes sour. However, if you ARE into him and he’s cool and froody on the low-low – you know, a real cool homeboy with his swagga in rhythm – then by all means, let him know! Call him or text him and tell him something like… I dunno, you think he’s got a real cute smile, or you aint got power over dreams, but if you did you’d make sure he has a very pleasant rest tonight – nothing too intimate, mind, just something that’s sure to stun him and make him smile like an idiot and wonder what he’s missing. If he’s the real tight gyansta you think he is, then he gonna catch the green-light. And he doesn’t, go ahead and ask him if he’s going out Friday night WITH FRIENDS – then come along with a friend, too! I’m sure you can manage it from there. And if after all this he still doesn’t catch your drift, forget him – he ain’t worth the stress, he’s just a lame-ass, cheap-joke, green-horned, totally un-hip fake-swagged mutherfcuker sucking-on-a-thump.

Or maybe he’s just TOO shy.



Nutty J. said...

Bruhahahaha...(*wipes laughter tears*)

For me o...I can as well say 'yes' fire down ask him out. I can too...I have done it. But what I observed was that I can only ask a guy I dont feel anything out for...I can flirt shamelessly with him and get him to take me to the movies...but a guy I like, I'm usually very shy around them and cant make the first move.

But if he does the chasin and we ehn, can bring out the aggressive pursuer in me!

Nice tips Kay9.

2cute4u said...

I sincerely do not think that Nigeria men in entirety are mature to truly appreciate when a lady can lower her facade ,pride and come out in the open.
I remember when I tried that, needless to say, it didn't end well for the same reasons you mentioned.
Have a rethink dear!
Thank you so much for the WE ARE JOS banner that you so graciously uploaded.

kay9 said...

@NuttyJ: its same 4 guys too; u dont too mind being rebuffed... until u meet this babe dat plain blows yo mind, n then u suddenly lose yo swagger n mysteriously become tongue-tied!

@2cute: aww, i'm sorry it ended badly; hope u didn't decide just on his looks - 8 out of 10 really handsome guys r really arrogant as well. Cant blame 'em tho, lol.
About WE ARE JOS, thats the least i could do.

Sting said...

I don't think i can ask a guy out. I'm sorry. Why should i? Best thing i can do, get to be friends with him and take it from there. If he doesn't ask me out then no need, he's not into me. Finito!

Myne Whitman said...

Preach it please, I think we girls sometimes take ourselves too seriously. People should stop playing games, both male and female and learn to be open. It will save everyone a lot of stress.

kay9 said...

@Sting: no, asking him out is the extreme. Just giv him a heads-up, a sure green-light u knw he can't miss. Sometimes babes can act so indifferent dat we guys start wondering if we'r hitting @ d wrong tree.

@MyneW: i've already started my dear, i'm going to buy a megafone 2dy n preach it 4rm d rooftops, lol!

kay9 said...

@nuttyJ: i just re-read yo comment; babe u be real waffi-girl o! Where did u learn ''fire down!''? Its a slang me n my friends had back during NYSC; it meant ''carry go! Ahead ahead, notin do u!'' (oops, more slangs)

sosexy said...

Ehen? See sense!
That's all I can say

awittyfool said...

(men! I wrote a whole reply n LOST IT!) oh well.
The main gist is asking a 9ja guy might be taking Ur reputation in2 Ur own hands. (or dumping it in2 his)but it may be worth.

isha said...

I've made the first move before, I'd do it again. Life's too short.

Here's how I make my decision - I've seen met this guy once before, we've talked maybe a few times, we're getting to know each other, I get the vibes that he likes me, I am sure that I like him too, he's the right height, etc; I will very well go up to him, and have a talk.

I'm not very sure that I can approach a guy at a bar and tell him he's looking hot and buy him a drink, but I may smile at him if I catch him 'stealing glances' at me. (Staring is totally unacceptable!)

I get the bit about being considered easy/loose for approaching a guy, but I don't believe in pleasing the world. If God and I agree that I'm not 'fly', everyone else can la'ri m'ogiri (Hit their heads on the wall).

I'm mad that I'm just discovering where you relocated to. *Crosses arms and pouts*

Thanks for your comment at mines.

kay9 said...

@sosexy: err, i dont understand...

@awittyfool: and only guys in 9ja are suspect to that? **smh

@isha: babe u rock!! Welcome to my new home.

NoLimit said...

I salute the courage of girls who are able to do this...God knows I can't,unless I'm very drunk and the probability of that happening is 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001%
So yeah...I won't knock it and I won't do it!
Keep preaching.

Nice Anon said...

I am the kind of person that is open. I speak my mind. I have told two guys that I think they are cool and I like em.. What did I get in return? "" Thank YOU"

kay9 said...

@Ada bekee: Eeyaaaaaah... :D :D Nne, wat can i say? They hv no idea what they missed! :)

Sex in VanCity said...

I think people are waaayyy too shy and think way to hard about "making moves" on each other. The more you put yourself out there and just say hi the more confident you'll become. It's hard but it's AWESOME when you stop thinking "shit they could totally shut me down" and start thinking "The worst they could say is no!" Because it's true. And dating IS funny a lot of the time, I should know, I do enough of it!!
As for the texting, it's totally fine to text a guy but do yourself a favour and "forget" about it right away. Shoot it out there and just be like, if it comes back to you it does, if not, whatever!! Just DONT BE A CRAZY CHICK AND OVERTEXT!! Lmao...
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