Monday, 9 August 2010

I Confess To Almighty God...

Hi Blogsville, guess what? Today is my birthday. I don't have anything cool or super-tight to blog about, just a simple post. A simple birthday post. A simple birthday post confession.

I've been partying since thursday; me and my friends now have permanent seat reservations at Daniel's (its a club in GRA, P.H). By saturday evening i was knocked-out, and then i made a sudden realization - its all been a fcuking waste of time. I went to church on sunday and felt better.

I know i should have said this a long time ago, but i just couldn't; i didn't know how to say it, i guess i was just ashamed of myself.

Z and i aren't together anymore - its been like three months now. And if you're wondering, yes, that's what i meant by Changing the Lock.

Ada-bekee and Rep1 are wondering if i'm crazy or something; my dearies, i'm not crazy, i'm just not the right guy for Z. I thought deep and hard and realized that the real reason i loved Z was because she loved me first, and loved me so hard; a one-sided love like that won't survive stormy weathers - and i didn't want to wait till the weather got stormy. I hurt Z too much, and she just kept coming back; it was wrong. It is wrong. So i made her break up with me. Gentle Z finally got furious with me, and left my world of hurt. It hurt her a lot more, but i like to tell myself i was saving her an even bigger heart-break. I hope she'll learn to forget me. And i hope she forgives me for not being man enough to say it to her face.

I know i'm sounding like a monster here - what with all my post on what makes or mares a relationship - maybe i am a monster.

NuttyJ, i'm sorry i couldn't learn from your example. Sometimes i wonder about it all, and i wonder if i've squandered my one chance at a happy lovley married life.

I got a lot of messages on FB and on my fone today. I also got one from Z, part of which reads: We meet to melt hearts & be felt; i'm glad i met u cos u melted my heart & i felt you in a way i wouldn't any other. happy birthday, baby! Z wishes u da best :-)

I'm going to the rig tomorrow. And i feel hollow.

I'd fcuked up once and she took me back. Now i've fcuked up again. Its only right that i should be man enough to live with my mistake... but then, was it really a mistake?

Shit.

Happy birthday to me.

7 comments:

Myne Whitman said...

happy birthday to you dear, life is rarely straightforward. If you and Z will be together, it is still possible. Before then though, you need to make peace with yourself and like/love the person you are. May blessings and favor and protection follow you, all the best in the coming year and many more years to come.

akabagucci said...

sad stuff mehn.... but tomorrow comes.... and we still have hope....

Jaycee said...

I hope you find the right path through all you just wrote about. Happy birthday.

Nutty J. said...

Okay yeah...u are a beast.

But that being said...its gonna be okay. We get over everything in life eventually so Z is going to be fine and find the man that was born for her....

You did good letting her go now...and one day you wil tell her how sorry you are for not telling her straight up...but for now, give ur self a chance to heal....becos u are also hurting.

Happy Birthday Kay9...how old are u now? how old are you now....how old are you now.....hip hip hip....hurray!!!! Many happy returns man....xoxo

isha said...

Happy belated birthday dearie.

I know guys don't do the 'let's talk it through' thing, but she deserved that. I'm sorry, but making her break up with you was ... not right. (aka not manly/chicken - you know i love you). I'm standing in her shoes, and imagining her thoughts after reading this.

Now this is for the 'relationship coach' kay9: Isn't it a 'raised eyebrow' moment when my boyfie decides he's not the man for me? Shouldn't I be the one to decide that?

ZeL said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

One sided love sucks. Though it hurts, i think u did the right thing

Nice Anon said...

I feel bad for not wishing you a happy birthday earlier. Will you accept my late wishes? Blessings and many more to you dear. *mwahhh*

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